All We Wanna Do Is Eat Your Brains
by MidnightSchemer13
Summary: Because evidently, eyes don't taste as well to zombies. No pairings. Rated for humor and shock ;3


**Hey everyone. I hope y'all like this! It took four hours to write x( so I'm exhausted. I'm on leave right now, so I have most of the day to type! If I can use the computer -_- lol**

**I'm getting my hair cut today! Hahaha it's just a trim and layering, though... **

**I keep writing oneshots. I'm sorry! But seriously, I cannot concentrate on writing series at the moment. My head's too full, and I want/need a Penseive! D: no can do, right? hahaha so sorry :/**

**Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: Visit Cracked dot com and type in "Zombies". It'll give you proof on how zombies can and cannot possibly exist. I do not own Cracked, the idea of zombies, or the song Your Brains by Jonathon Coulton. Oh, and neither do I own Kingdom Hearts. *sigh* *sadface* lol THE PLOT IS MIIIIIINE! No pairings... **

**_Zombies attack at twilight... mwahahahaha~_**

* * *

><p>"Here, I've found one!" Sora shouted to his friends. Three figures of varying heights ran over from the buildings on the other side of the littered street. The setting sun cast long, narrow shadows, further adding to the creepiness of the atmosphere. The silence, punctuated only by the rushing footsteps, was pressing, and Sora's ears hurt.<p>

Donald, Goofy, and Kairi arrived next to Sora, and looked at the derelict building in front of him. The brown-haired teen yanked on the padlock hanging on the door, hard, and allowed himself a smile when the doors opened from the force. Kairi flipped on her flashlight and quickly peered in.

The building was dusty, having been abandoned for years, and furniture was haphazardly placed here and there around the room. Dark spots of discoloration stained the tile floor.

_Blood_.

The dark-red-haired girl shivered at the sight of the stains, and walked in further, side-stepping the spots.

There was no sign of movement.

"We're clear!" she called out, and the trio rushed through and barricaded the door, pushing old, ratty sofas and heavy boxes to block entry. Goofy ambled upstairs, and began setting up their equipment: a sleeping tent for each person, water, food, and several odd weapons. Donald quickly joined his friend, as Sora and Kairi were holding a hushed conversation, and he did not wish to interrupt.

"When do you think _they _will come?" he quacked. Goofy stared sadly, yet resolutely, out the open window, as the sun completely vanished beneath the horizon.

"Gawsh, Donald, I dunno. Zombies don't like sunlight, do they? I guess they'll come at night!" He gripped a lance tightly, and glared at the sky.

They would have to be ready, and soon.

**Z.O.M.B.I.E.S...**

Another nightmare graced Sora's mind that night.

_Ugh… no! Riku! Kairi! Kairi, where are you? _Darkness swirled around him as he watched his friends slowly wander off, fading into the nothingness.

He knew it was a dream, but his mind refused to let him escape: he watched the hazy vision in front of him, apprehensive and with a sense of frightened dread.

"_Riku?" they had been playing a game with Donald and Goofy as Kairi watched, eating ice-cream, when suddenly Nobodies appeared out of nowhere. Dream-Sora squinted at them. _

"_What are those?" he had asked, pointed at them with his toy keyblade. Riku shrugged, and walked towards them with quick strides, then stopped. What looked like the Organization XIII's lesser Nobodies glided towards them, though these had the strangest facial features: their blank faces were peeling: their 'skin' was… _rotting_, and growths had begun creeping up their bodies. Some were missing limbs, others had skin ripped off to the point where their bones (_Nobodies had bones? Sora had wondered_) were showing. _

"_Sora! Get back!" Riku barked, and dashed towards Kairi, who was still with shock. Donald and Goofy ran to the Gummi Ship, and everyone climbed inside. _

"_Let's go to Twilight Town, they won't find us there. Wasn't Destiny Islands supposed to be safe?" Dream-Sora backed away a few paces from the Nobodies, staring dumbly, before running to the ship and warping away with the rest of his friends, realizing what Riku had said._

_And then, Riku just… disappeared. _

_The scenes swirled away as Sora saw Dream-Sora call after his friend, panicking at the thought of losing him again. _

_Another image faded into sight. _

_They had reached Twilight Town, but still Riku wasn't there. They searched hours for him, when the same thing that had happened at their home happened there. _

_Mutilated Nobodies shuffled and glided towards them, arms reached out, and looking eerie and frightening. _

"_Run!" quacked Donald, as they abandoned the Gummi Ship and ran through the narrow alleyways of the town, all the while avoiding the seeping tendrils of darkness…_

"NO!" Sora gasped, awakening from his nightmares, and looked over at the sleeping forms of Donald and Kairi. Goofy was at the window, sling and stones at the ready. He looked at his friend curiously, who looked curiously back.

"You alright, Sora?"

"Yeah… yeah, I'm fine. Any sign?" he asked. There was no point in asking what Sora was talking about. Goofy shook his head.

"Nope. No sign at all. Kairi's shift is in an hour; you should get some rest."

Reluctantly obeying, Sora crept back into his sleeping bag and closed his eyes, praying that his mind would tame down and not spook him anymore that night.

_We'll see…_

**Z.O.M.B.I.E.S...**

The next morning brought two surprises.

One, they had not been attacked that night.

Two, Jiminy Cricket had found them, and had information.

"Hey! Hey, Sora!" He had called. Sora rushed to look out the window, hoping that it was Riku, but smiled as he saw who it was.

"Let me in!" called Pinocchio's conscience: Jiminy Cricket.

"Gawsh, Sora, it's Jiminy!"

"Oh boy!"

Kairi, with everyone's help, had opened the door and let the cricket in.

"Sora, have you locked all the other doors?" was the first thing Jiminy had said. No 'Hi, how are you?', or 'Are you guys alright?': nope, the first thing out of his mouth was a stern question. Sora rolled his eyes and grinned at this, but immediately sobered up when he remembered their situation.

"Yes, Jiminy: the doors are all blocked and chained, and the windows on the first floor are closed. Kairi and I didn't sense any other people in the building: all the same, we've left the door to the other floors closed." Jiminy nodded in relief and sat down in Sora's hand.

"Good. You've saved your food and water?" Kairi nodded.

"Good, good… Sora, you need to be careful. I'm sure those things you saw outside—"

"Wait, how'd you know about that?"

A stern look from Jiminy silenced him.

"Those things are probably _zombies_. I had no idea they were _real_, but we have to be careful. They eat… well, you don't want to know. _OR _find out, for that matter." He shivered.

"Post a watch again, Sora. We need to get some sleep. They'll be here by nightfall."

**Z.O.M.B.I.E.S...**

_So. _Those were _zombies_. Sora remembered Leon talking about them, once.

_That's what they look like? Rotting bodies that move and creep you out? _A sudden BANG startled Sora, but he dismissed it as his delirious mind playing still more tricks on him, and went to sleep.

* * *

><p>"<em>Are we ready?<em>" hissed a cloaked and hooded teen. His companion, a taller, cloaked and hooded man, nodded, crouching in the narrow space next to the teen.

"_Yeah, everything's ready. You got the plan memorized?_" The teen gave his companion a playful shove.

"_Of course I do! I'm the one who came up with it!_"

"_Yeah, yeah: my apologies, Master Planner Roxas_," he smirked. The teen rolled his eyes.

"_Shut up._"

A portal of swirling darkness opened behind them. The two whirled around to see a tall, cloaked woman step out, her black, heeled boots clicking on the roof. Her blonde hair was slicked back, but two antenna-like strands remained un-slicked.

"_So…_" she breathed. "_Have you two gotten everything ready? Xemnas is getting… _impatient_,_" she said with relish. "_He's threatening to call off the whole thing if you idiots don't hurry up_." She giggled and roughly yanked off their hoods. A head of mussed, blond hair and a head of spiked, fire-engine red hair popped up. The blond glared at her.

"_Geez, Larxene, no need to _YANK," he said sulkily. Axel rolled his head back to glance at her.

"_You look funny upside-down… HEY! That hurt!_" he said in response to her slap.

"_Shh! They'll see us!_"

Axel rubbed his head and glared at Roxas, who curiously stared at Axel's head.

"What?"

"_Y'know… I never noticed this before… but how do you keep your hair in your hood? Your hood never spikes up with your hair…_"

The redhead shrugged.

"_I dunno. It's a part of the hood's 'properties', isn't it? Go ask that creepy old Vexen._" Larxene rolled her eyes.

"_You boys are so… ugh. Come on. If the coast is clear, then we'll have to get back. I for one REALLY want to see the look on Sora's face…_" she giggled as she dragged the two backwards into another portal, and vanished.

**Z.O.M.B.I.E.S...**

"Alright. So, everyone's got the plan memorized?"

A group of thirteen cloaked people had gathered in a circle. Axel glared at the speaker.

"Hey, Xemnas, that's _my _line, thank you."

The man addressed as Xemnas ignored Axel's complaint.

"Now, all of you… _ don't mess up. _This is our ONE chance to freak Sora out _immensely, _and I want it to go PERFECTLY. This was Roxas's idea, so you'll answer to the two of us if something goes wrong. Understood? _V and X! Do not play cards while I am talking!_" The two Nobodies grinned sheepishly, and Luxord snapped his fingers, making the cards disappear.

"Alright, everyone: let's head out."

**Z.O.M.B.I.E.S...**

Roxas grinned. _His plan was bound to work! _They had spent hours poring over it, arguing and clearing up the fine points, making sure to give Sora and his friends the fright of their lives.

Of course, then Riku had to come and almost destroy them.

And Saix and Axel had to explain what they were doing, and force Riku to not say a word.

The silver-haired teen, however, had just laughed and smirked, promising to watch, and giving a vague promise that he would not tell Sora.

He was a good actor, that teen.

The blond teen grinned as he remembered what had happened.

It had all started when Axel had called Roxas a 'zombie'. He had repeated the word, and an idea popped into his head.

"_Axel, listen to this…" _

The plan was to have first their lesser Nobodies dress up as zombies (Zexion had agreed to create the illusion that some of them were missing limbs) and freak the friends out at their home on Destiny Islands. Then, Riku would guide them to Twilight Town, but suddenly disappear. The group would find all of the buildings locked and impossible to hide in except a few, and Demyx was assigned to recon the sites and report where they were hiding. Jiminy Cricket would arrive and tell them of the zombies chasing him, and then Organization XIII would march out in all their might and begin performing a little… _show _for Sora and his friends.

_That'll teach 'em to mess with us… _

They all took out their mirrors and applied their makeup. Larxene could be called as the one who enjoyed this most: making her face look grotesque and gruesome without damaging her beauty excited her, and she had had fun applying the face paint to all of the participating lesser Nobodies. The Dusks had wisely steered clear of her, not wanting to get colored on by the Savage Nymph.

Roxas checked his makeup. His face was slightly tinted green, and fake skin was applied to make it look like he was rotting. Zexion was applying an illusion later to make their cloaks look tattered and rag-like, as Xemnas absolutely refused to 'endanger the well-being of the coats'. No matter.

The youngest Nobody looked around. Axel had place in contacts so that one eye was pitch black, and the other was snow white. A grin had been stitched onto his face (thank goodness for makeup!) and several teeth were colored black, to make it look like they were missing.

Xemnas had applied prosthetics so that half of his face looked rotted away; Xigbar did little, only making bones and muscle stick out. Xladin used special effects to make it look like his lances were skewered through his body, and he had let down his hair, dipping it in molasses and making it lank and greasy, giving him a creepy air as the strands of hair curtained his face.

Vexen made his face look like something exploded in it, and needed little makeup, as Xigbar already commented how he looked creepy enough (which earned him a glare and a tug on the ear. "_No respect!_" Vexen had muttered, and gave everyone reason to laugh [albeit good-naturedly, or as good-naturedly Nobodies could get]). Lexaeus had gone full-out and looked like a giant greenman, with his left eye missing and yellowed teeth. Zexion had flipped his hair and resolutely refused to place any makeup on him, saying how he could use his illusions to do that for himself, thank you _very _much. Saix had been tackled from behind and tied up so that Axel could paint sores and rot onto his face, and giving him bandages to hide some skin-colored spots he had missed.

_Demyx _was having fun. Using his sitar to summon his Dancers, had had them paint his face for him, and relaxed as they giggled (in a creepy way) and pampered him as they pleased. Xemnas had threatened Demyx with turning him into a Dusk if he so much as splashed any of them with water, so he was getting back at his leader by showing off.

Marluxia… Marluxia was odd. He initially allowed Larxene to paint his face, but had washed it all off, unsatisfied with the look.

So, he took matters into his own hands and defied Xemnas's orders: instead of being a zombie, Marluxia decided to be a vampire-clown.

Painting his face pasty-white, he drew a large black star to cover his left eye, and a diamond on his right. A rose was painted underneath the star, and he added fangs in his mouth. A scent of cherry blossoms had been applied, and he had summoned his scythe and admired himself in the mirror.

Roxas dislike his actions: the flowery smell did _not _go with the rotting tinge that zombies characteristically held, but Axel calmed him down, mentioning that angering Marluxia while his scythe was out was not. A good. Idea.

Xemnas clapped his hands.

"Alright. Showtime."

* * *

><p>Sora, Kairi, and Donald looked outside the window, wondering what the stomping noise was.<p>

_Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap; Stomp-stomp, clap…_

Suddenly, thirteen Corridors of Darkness opened. Sora gripped the windowsill, knuckles turning white.

"_Goofy! Jiminy! Wake up! Look at this!_"

The horrific sight that greeted them drained their blood. The five friends (well, four actually: Kairi had fainted) stared up at the gigantic forms of Organization 13. They were at least three times as tall now, and a bit wider, so that their forms were mostly proportional. They leered at them silently, blood trickling down their mouths, looking _very _much like zombies.

"_Oh my gosh…_"

Then, suddenly, they all looked down and silently shuffled themselves into place. A Dancer skirted around the group and looked at the zombified Demyx. He nodded, and summoned his sitar, strumming it.

Without warning, music began to play, and the stomping and clapping continued its rhythm. Jiminy looked down and saw that various zombified lesser Nobodies were creating the rhythm, but noted that it was mostly the Dancers.

The looming Nobodies began moving in sync, dancing and singing. Roxas took the solo:

_Na na na na na, you're all gonna die screaming! _

Everyone else began singing, clapping along, and thoroughly freaking the four friends out.

_All we wanna do is eat your brains__.__  
>We're not unreasonable,<br>I mean__,__ no-one's gonna eat your eyes__…__  
>All we wanna do is eat your brains<em>_!__  
>We're at an impasse here,<br>Maybe we should compromise.  
>Open up the doors,<br>We'll all come inside and eat your brains~! _

The shock of seeing giant Nobodies (and several normal-sized lesser Nobodies) dancing, singing, and moving perfectly in sync took their toll on the friends as they all joined Kairi's state: unconscious.

Roxas grinned as Zexion ripped off the illusion, and turned his head. Riku was sitting on the roof they were on hours before, laughing so hard that he was clutching his stomach and falling backwards onto the roof. His grin widened as Axel draped an arm around his shoulders and congratulated him; Xemnas had called the 'mission' a success, and had granted them all one week's leave, two for Roxas as he came up with the idea.

"Awesome," he said softly, and smirked at the thought of Sora waking up and panicking. He glanced at an opening portal.

"Naminé, you got the pictures drawn?" he asked. She nodded.

"I also found a camera and took pictures and a video!" she said happily, but squeaked when Marluxia came close to her. He ignored her, as he was walking to Larxene, but smirked at her slight fear.

Roxas sighed happily and smiled.

"I wonder how long it'll take Sora to realize that it was just an illusion, and all an act?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Should I put this in horror? Well, since it's a prank and not real zombies, I guess not... ^^; **

**Did you like it? Review and let me know, please! :D I'd appreciate it, thanks!**


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